Bipolar dating problems
I wish I had done more research prior to my involvement with my ex-fiancÃ©e. In any event, it was me, (me being a masochist) who actually wanted to have it be not passionate, however, he always knew exactly what to do. I tried to tell him in a constructive way that maybe he should have the medication adjusted, and he would take pot shots at me, blaming me. Mine never said he was suicidal but did spent the night in a crisis center when I broke it off with him the first time and then told me about it after the fact. I just sort of blew it off because I hadnât been with someone that was bipolar before. Everyone told me to let him go, because I was in pain with his ups and down. Itâs been 15 months since our breakup and we only went out 10 months and I am still reeling from it. He wonât allow me to love him and he wonât accept it.I am hoping by posting this I will help someone else before they subject themselves to the pain that many of us have or are still enduring by loving someone with the terrible illness...... And for the few of you that actually have survived relationships through this illness. ok, I have to say, I read all of that, and sympathize with you because of the pain... He's prescriptions (which he later stopped taking-- breaking me into pieces by ending our relationships) always made him weak and not be able to climax, he always make sure I was satisfied in other ways, and emotionally. The first thing I did after our breakup was to call his ex girlfriend and we had the best heart to heart talk for over an hour regarding him and I had found out it was worse for her. I would get many many dark e-mails in which he said the mantras are f-ing with his head, and that he was going to the dark side where no one could help him. Agree-- "told me he didnât think anyone could be as supportive and loving as his parents had been in his life" how odd, that they see their parents as their only link or hope. "said I would end up leaving like all the rest" they know it. They will burn through another woman and the cycle continues. And me being an unstable person as it is, I couldnt handle the extreme unstability he was providing me, however, bipolars need love to do they not? Im still so depressed over it (4 months afterwards.) but I really want to know... He now has sunk to the bottom of his darkness and there is no reaching him.However, I must disagree with the majority of things you have said about bipolar. I must disagree with the "lack of showing affection" as being a bipolar characteristic, simply because my ex was the opposite. Holding hands in public, kissing, and he was actually the cuddler. The only time I ever felt like sex was forced was when I knew our relationship was ending, which was the last time I ever saw him or spoke to him. When it came to sex in public, he was actually not like that what-so-ever. They dated for a year and a half and he never got off with her during sex. He told me that if anything ever happened to his parents he couldnât go on living. So, I always asked them (my friends) why should they not be in a relationship. I know our breakup devastated him and he will continue to blame me for his unhappiness. I honestly think in my case he showed me aspects of his personality that he never showed anyone else before and we became very close at one time.I think you just had a really bad experience with a man. I would like people to respond to see if your statements are accurate, or if the guy had other major problems going on. Although my ex-bf and I didnt have anything in common I think that is what drew us close together. (at that time, it was almost a month since he stopped taking the prescriptions.) 4. It took me a while to make him agree to let me go down on him in the movie theatre. However, he did mention his past relationships, and he never spoke bad of his exes. But I think watching others would be fun--and I am not bipolar. She said it felt forced and she felt he wasnât turned on by her. It made me feel better, knowing it really wasnât me after all, but made me feel sad again for him, because he is unable to be âintimateâ. He never pointed out how much money he spent on me. He also invested over 25k into our relationship, supporting my daughter and me for several months before we moved in with him, bought us both so many gifts and loaned me money for my business.It wasnât until after all was said and done that I did everything I could to read up on this disorder. I would therefore caution anyone reading your post to approach all relationships-including those with Bipolars-with due caution and allow the other individual to present his/her individual self without preemptive stereotypes and judgments. I cannot image what he would be like without the drugs. I too wonder if there isnât some âpersonality disorderâ that went undiagnosed. I have been seeing my therapist for over 2 years now, and ironically it was my ex that suggested I see someone, since he accused me of being bipolar quite frequently.For those of you out there contemplating getting involved with someone with this disorder my advice is to turn and run. He never pointed out how much money he spent on me. My daughter also goes, as the breakup affected her immensely since she really had bonded with him. For instance he was very into video games and collecting toys. He was a star wars collector, which I thought was very cool. After our breakup he sold many items on ebay which made me sad, because I knew how much they meant to him. That bipolar people are affectionate, but when they become depressive, they want to be left alone.WE do work hard to get our symptoms under control and try not to make the lives of those around us a complete nightmare. He could just have been a very nasty person who happened also to have bi-polar. I'm sorry you had a bad experience and even more sorry that your daughter suffered too but there are people who behave in the way your ex behaved who have NO MENTAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS AT ALL. I have met some bi-polar people that are pretty nice of course I have not lived with them, like you did. He was actually more of the giver, and never rubbed it in anyone's face. And we would have little fights bc I always felt it should be 50/50.. It even scared me to the point, that I knew I needed more than just âtalk therapyâ. I am going to assume that since your ex was on and off again with is medication (it sounds like) led to that passionate sex. When we first broke up (this is the second time) he cried to get me back, but we were both so emotionally that I cried as well. --during fights he would not answer his phone, turn off the lights at his home and pretend he wasnât there refusing to speak 50. I was lucky like I said if we had it once a week and like I said, even that felt forced.So to those of you who do bravely venture into getting into a relationship with those of us who have bipolar desease, kudos to you. Or someone who decided to get some form of diagnosis to manipulate others. I know, I married one and was abused night and day. Don't you feel that if he was seeking professional help and was taking meds and was not doing the stuff on the computer that he was doing and a few other negative things that he was doing and thinking of your . --- "he had little to no friends" he was a loner, but I didnt mind, because sometimes I needed that intimacy. Agree--"his parents were over involved in his life, yet he was in his mid 30âs."--- he was 1 year shy of it... I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on lexapro. I just think with mine the medicine really inhibited him to feel sexual yet I donât think he was willing to admit it. I did something horrible to him, and he wanted me back. The more I think about it the more I think he was embarrassed that he couldnât get off and that he simply was sick of trying. When he knew I wanted sex, he always made an effort, even if he was tired or sleepy.--except when we were ending. He took showers with me a lot, but did prefer his privacy at times...
45.) constantly would send me âstatisticsâ of why our relationship wouldnât work 46.) during fights he would not answer his phone, turn off the lights at his home and pretend he wasnât there refusing to speak 47.) kept secrets from his parents 48.) said I didnât make him feel sexually attractive, but nameless faceless women did in general said very hurtful spiteful things to me 49.) would chat on line while we were engaged with other women 50.) we would rarely have sex. Where most engaged couples are so in love they have sex 3-4 times a week if not more.
Some of us will amaze you you and you will find we can be very loving and giving. Statements such as "Bipolars are expert at manipulation" is completely unfounded. Daughter and you at times instead of it always being about himself that things might have been a bit better and not rushed into things. Daughter can find someone that can treat someone that will treat you both the way that you both need to be treated. And actually, I think he was overly involved in his parents life, but that just made him a family person, and me being someone who lacked family life, actually that was something I loved about him. Agree-- "he had a hard time getting off during sex" that was bc of the meds. I took it for 4 months and then I started having severe side effects, like dizziness and losing my hair. I have been off the drug now for 8 months, and although its been difficult at times, I feel myself getting stronger every day. And friends that have never loved someone that is bipolar just canât seem to understand, especially given how horribly he treated me and my daughter. I choose to love the real person that I only got to see glimpses of. Instead he would say mean things to me like, âi felt more sexy with the nameless faceless women on line then I do with you now, or ever did.â it really was a major hit to my self esteem, because at the time, I really did feel like it was me that wasnât âturningâ him on. =( and then the second time, never bad was done, and he doesnt even pick up his calls. Never was controlling or manipulative, howver, towards the end, he just never was around and was too busy with other activities. Realistically, the relationship never would have worked, but he never said it, but always said I was too good for him... But if I asked him to shower with me, he never turned me down. Towards the end he became suicidal, talking about hating his life and wanting to die. Iâve told him that I will always love him and I know there is not another ex girlfriend that even thinks about him anymore like I do.
To be honest I am sure many people with BPD can tell you about how they have been manipulated by others. I hope that you have family that will help you out. You just have to be more careful what is out there and take your time. Daughter, their is nothing to be ashamed of, heck, we all need alittle help sometimes and it is not your fault even though their are people that like to make you feel that it is. i am writing this for anyone who is dating someone that is bipolar or is thinking about dating someone that is bipolar. I have never ever had sex be more passionate and intense the way that sex was with him. I now have a new boyfriend that is extremely supportive and luckily lets me talk through the pain that has not entirely gone away. We would have sex maybe 4 times a month and we were supposed to be getting married. I tried sooo hard to stay to help him, but he shut me out one day out of the blue. There is not a day that goes by that I donât think about him.
Ironically he refused talk therapy as a way to deal with his illness 33.) constantly was negative and often wrote me e-mails in which he would put me, my family or daughter down.
34.) often brought up how much he hated his ex girlfriends 35.) constantly berated me for not doing things I said I would do and how I never thought about him 36.) often complained he âgave moreâ to others and expected nothing in return, when in reality he made note of it 37.) constantly complained we only did things I enjoyed, and I never thought about him 38.) he spent the night at a crisis center when I first broke it off with him, only 3 months into dating 39.) cried and begged me back 40.) was addicted to on line dating and would post on multiple dating sites even while engaged 41.) expected me to appear at certain events even after he broke up with me and became enraged when I didnât.